I am currently faced with two choices: move to California, or move to Seattle. At the moment, everything in me is pulling for a certain one of those options. (Incidentally, less than a week ago, quite a bit of me was pulling for the opposite one.)
“That’s easy, then!” you say. “You pick the one you want the most!”
Ahh–if only it were that easy. But, see, the thing is, whenever I come at a problem like this, I see two potential outcomes to making the easy choice:
1) I am happy in my choice, and get to say “Ah, I knew this was right! Good thing I followed my instincts…” Still, I always have to wonder if the critics were right, and it wasn’t so much instincts as insecurities that led me; if I’d have been happier on the flip side.
2) I am absolutely miserable in my choice, and say to myself, “Why, oh why didn’t I do the other thing? I knew I was meant to overcome my misgivings and do the other thing…”
Alternately, if I pick the hard choice, I have my choice of these outcomes:
1) I’m miserable, and realize I should have followed my instincts; or,
2) I’m happy, or at least remotely happy, and get to feel extra happy because I pushed myself and overcame my flawed instincts.
In other words, if I make the easy choice, I will second-guess it down the road and likely never be fully satisfied; if I make the harder choice, I will either be miserable or uber-happy.
Sigh. Why can’t I know now whether my instincts are to be trusted or defeated? And why can’t the easy choice ever actually be the easy choice?